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Before writing an article about self-esteem, I looked into the search engine and was horrified. from the number of sites offering magical ways to boost self-esteem. "Get self-confidence in 3 simple steps", "12 ways to increase self-esteem", "High self-esteem is the way to success", etc. BRAD. Forgive me, of course, but a reasonable person must understand that self-esteem and self-respect do not arise immediately. Moreover, it is simply not realistic to increase your self-esteem in just 3 steps. Why is self-esteem necessary?
It IS POSSIBLE to start changing your attitude about yourself in three steps, or to build self-confidence with the help of 12 ways. But do not increase your self-esteem!
Does this mean that without high self-esteem we will not be successful? Is it really so? What do psychologists think? And what is the secret of personal self-esteem? Let's understand each other.
The concept of self-esteem in psychology
Self-esteem is a person's assessment of himself, his advantages and disadvantages, opportunities, qualities, his place among other people.
This ability to introspect greatly affects the formation of people's behavior. Such personality qualities as uncertainty and decisiveness, activity and restraint, sociability and isolation directly depend on self-esteem. A person's opinion determines himself and the attitude of others towards him.
Self-esteem is connected with one of the central needs for self-affirmation, with a person's desire to find his place in life, to establish himself as a member of society in the eyes of others and in his own opinion. Formation and development of self-confidence
Formation of adequate self-esteem of the child
It begins to form in our childhood, unfortunately, under the influence of our upbringing. The child's environment, primarily our parents, lay the foundation of our self-esteem. A child cannot form his own attitude towards himself due to insufficient self-awareness. How to raise a self-confident child?
Parents prevent the normal development of a child's self-esteem when:
- the child is often punished without explaining the reason for the punishment, and when punished for showing "unacceptable" feelings; - make fun of the child's feelings and thoughts, underestimating them; quite contradictory (dad has one, and mom has other, opposite); - deny the child's perception of reality and implicitly contribute to the child's doubts about his sanity; - when parents use physical violence against their child. In addition, they do not believe in him, shaming and underestimating him in every way.
Consequences of child abuse
Of course, under such conditions of upbringing, a pathological personality can be formed, not to mention its healthy adequate self-esteem or self-love.
What affects the formation of adequate self-esteem of an adult?
Each person tends to compare himself with some ideal, with the person he would like to be. The coincidence of the real attitude towards oneself with the desired one plays a huge role in the formation of adequate self-esteem. The further the true image is from the perfect one, the worse a person's opinion of himself is. Narcissism and signs of a "narcissist"
A significant influence on the formation of adequate and healthy self-esteem is related to the person around him. The opinions of the closest people: parents, relatives and friends are of special importance for the formation of healthy self-esteem, as in childhood.
Real achievements of a person in one or another field of activity also affect the formation of adequate self-esteem. The higher the personal successes and achievements, the better the person thinks about himself. 7 habits of success
Self-esteem of an individual is an attitude towards oneself with the help of the opinion of significant buyers, many real achievements. Self-esteem cannot be overestimated or underestimated. Self-esteem can only be optimal or suboptimal. The self-esteem of a healthy individual should be adequate to his real results!
A person with adequate self-esteem
With optimal, adequate self-esteem, a person correctly correlates his opportunities and abilities, is quite critical of himself, seeks to realistically look at his failures and successes, tries to set achievable goals that can be realized in practice.
A step-by-step system for achieving any goals
A person approaches the assessment of what has been achieved both with his own measures, and also tries to predict how other people will react to it: colleagues and other significant people. Adequate self-esteem is the result of a constant search for a real healthy assessment, i.e. without overestimating one's achievements, but also without being overly critical of one's communication, activities, and experiences. Such self-esteem is healthy and adequate.
Features of healthy adequate self-esteem
- Healthy self-esteem of the individual allows you to address others with respect and good intentions;
- A person with healthy self-esteem is open to criticism and admits his mistakes. After all, healthy self-esteem presupposes the presence of both strengths and weaknesses in a person.
- A self-confident person is open and interested in new ideas, new experiences, and new opportunities in life.
- A person with healthy self-esteem trusts himself and thus reacts flexibly and even resourcefully to all kinds of life situations.
- Affirmative (non-aggressive) behavior, one's own and others', is perceived with comfort - criteria of healthy self-esteem.
- Under conditions of stress, a person with healthy self-esteem knows how to maintain harmony and dignity. How to learn to love and respect yourself?
Why does the question "How to increase your self-esteem" arise? Why raise it and who determined that you have it understated?
General psychology shows that the harmony of the personality or the comfort of a person depends on this, as well as how to treat yourself. That is, if a person, in your opinion or observation, has low self-esteem, then he is neither successful nor self-confident.
In fact, this person is quite comfortable living with his possible low self-esteem. On the other hand, it is your assessment of the other person's personality. And it has nothing to do with the self-esteem of this particular person. It is the same with overestimated self-esteem.
It's a shame about inadequate self-esteem
Low self-esteem or high self-esteem is harmful only when a person experiences internal discomfort.
Namely, when low self-esteem turns into:
- self-doubt, up to self-distrust, - painful perception of criticism - inability to make decisions and take responsibility for the results of one's decisions and actions. Inferiority complex and low self-esteem
And overestimated self-esteem is transformed into:
- self-love and self-aggrandizement, which leads to the emergence of pride, indifference to loved ones, - criticality and unreasonable demands on others, anger.
Form a healthy, adequate self-esteem
- Self-development is work on your self-esteem. Remember that your self-esteem should not be tied to the opinion of others, their comments and words. That's why it's yours - "SELF-Evaluation"!
- Try to set realistic and achievable goals for yourself, because your self-esteem depends on their achievement.
- Form healthy self-esteem, correct (adequate) attitude towards yourself, believe in yourself and don't let anyone doubt you. People to avoid
As Mark Twain said: “Avoid those who try to undermine your self-belief. A great person, on the contrary, inspires the feeling that you can become great"
A person may feel competent at work and uncertain in intimacy. State, experience, environment, and feedback change self-evaluation. Healthy self-esteem means a sufficiently accurate, flexible view of resources, limits, and the right to respect.
A pause after error without a global verdict
Self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-compassion
Self-efficacy concerns a specific task; self-compassion concerns how we relate to difficulty; self-esteem is a broader evaluation of worth. They interact but are not interchangeable.
Facts and values as support
Describe specific skills, errors, effort, and needs without global labels. A mistake may require repair without making the entire person “bad.”
Words from Dmytro Telushko
“Stable self-esteem does not promise constant self-liking. It helps preserve dignity when an outcome disappoints us.”
Dmytro Telushko
MriyaRun tool
Self-Esteem Through Gratitude, Part 3 explores resources and self-relationship without promising a quick self-esteem boost.
Self-esteem workbook