Before writing an article about self-esteem, I looked into the search engine and was horrified. from the number of sites offering magical ways to boost self-esteem. "Get self-confidence in 3 simple steps", "12 ways to increase self-esteem", "High self-esteem is the way to success", etc. BRAD. Forgive me, of course, but a reasonable person must understand that self-esteem and self-respect do not arise immediately. Moreover, it is simply not realistic to increase your self-esteem in just 3 steps. Why is self-esteem necessary?

It IS POSSIBLE to start changing your attitude about yourself in three steps, or to build self-confidence with the help of 12 ways. But do not increase your self-esteem!

Self-esteem is a person's assessment of himself, his advantages and disadvantages, opportunities, qualities, his place among other people.

This ability to introspect greatly affects the formation of people's behavior. Such personality qualities as uncertainty and decisiveness, activity and restraint, sociability and isolation directly depend on self-esteem. A person's opinion determines himself and the attitude of others towards him.

It begins to form in our childhood, unfortunately, under the influence of our upbringing. The child's environment, primarily our parents, lay the foundation of our self-esteem. A child cannot form his own attitude towards himself due to insufficient self-awareness. How to raise a self-confident child?

- the child is often punished without explaining the reason for the punishment, and when punished for showing "unacceptable" feelings; - make fun of the child's feelings and thoughts, underestimating them; quite contradictory (dad has one, and mom has other, opposite); - deny the child's perception of reality and implicitly contribute to the child's doubts about his sanity; - when parents use physical violence against their child. In addition, they do not believe in him, shaming and underestimating him in every way.

Of course, under such conditions of upbringing, a pathological personality can be formed, not to mention its healthy adequate self-esteem or self-love.

Each person tends to compare himself with some ideal, with the person he would like to be. The coincidence of the real attitude towards oneself with the desired one plays a huge role in the formation of adequate self-esteem. The further the true image is from the perfect one, the worse a person's opinion of himself is. Narcissism and signs of a "narcissist"

Real achievements of a person in one or another field of activity also affect the formation of adequate self-esteem. The higher the personal successes and achievements, the better the person thinks about himself. 7 habits of success

Self-esteem of an individual is an attitude towards oneself with the help of the opinion of significant buyers, many real achievements. Self-esteem cannot be overestimated or underestimated. Self-esteem can only be optimal or suboptimal. The self-esteem of a healthy individual should be adequate to his real results!

With optimal, adequate self-esteem, a person correctly correlates his opportunities and abilities, is quite critical of himself, seeks to realistically look at his failures and successes, tries to set achievable goals that can be realized in practice.

A step-by-step system for achieving any goals

A person approaches the assessment of what has been achieved both with his own measures, and also tries to predict how other people will react to it: colleagues and other significant people. Adequate self-esteem is the result of a constant search for a real healthy assessment, i.e. without overestimating one's achievements, but also without being overly critical of one's communication, activities, and experiences. Such self-esteem is healthy and adequate.

Why does the question "How to increase your self-esteem" arise? Why raise it and who determined that you have it understated?

General psychology shows that the harmony of the personality or the comfort of a person depends on this, as well as how to treat yourself. That is, if a person, in your opinion or observation, has low self-esteem, then he is neither successful nor self-confident.

In fact, this person is quite comfortable living with his possible low self-esteem. On the other hand, it is your assessment of the other person's personality. And it has nothing to do with the self-esteem of this particular person. It is the same with overestimated self-esteem.

Low self-esteem or high self-esteem is harmful only when a person experiences internal discomfort.

Namely, when low self-esteem turns into:

- self-doubt, up to self-distrust, - painful perception of criticism - inability to make decisions and take responsibility for the results of one's decisions and actions. Inferiority complex and low self-esteem

And overestimated self-esteem is transformed into:

- self-love and self-aggrandizement, which leads to the emergence of pride, indifference to loved ones, - criticality and unreasonable demands on others, anger.